No, besides cookies for breakfast. (Good guess, but I don't really need to dream about that.)
No, no, besides Internet fame in exchange for my family's dignity and privacy. (I mean, obviously. But still not what I'm looking for.)
No! Damn it. No. Besides singing a duet to "Bad Girls" with a reanimated Donna Summer while wearing a Bob Mackie sequined jumpsuit. (But if someone out there can do a Frankenstein monster on the Queen of Disco, then you find me.)
C'mon. You know this.
Every pasty, introverted, physically awkward blogger mom dreams of . . . not being on YouTube.
Somehow I managed to inherit the Italian propensity for dramatic hand gestures without inheriting delicious, olive-toned Italian skin or effortless Italian style or smoldering Italian sex appeal. Basically, watching me speak is like witnessing a beluga whale with overactive flippers; it's entertaining for a minute, but eventually you just feel confused, maybe even uncomfortable.
|I'm smaller. I'm hairier. But the mournful eyes and giant mouth are just the same.|
Well, for those of you that enjoy feeling confused and uncomfortable, I have an exciting announcement!
I'm on YouTube.
My worst nightmare is your, well, I don't know, maybe your worst nightmare. Maybe your pleasant sense of schadenfreude. Maybe your 5 minutes of procrastination before scrubbing the toilet or filing paperwork.
Whatever the case may be, I give to you -- without further ado and whether I like it or not -- actual footage of me reading "Ground Control to Major Mom" as part of the 2014 cast of Listen to Your Mother DC.
And although I can poke fun at my general lack of star power (ironic, considering my skin's ability to emit light), I cannot speak highly enough of the women with whom I shared the LTYM experience. Their stories are laugh-out-loud funny. Their stories will bring you to your knees. Their stories are vulnerable and exceptional and moving. Please take a moment to check out the rest of the videos. And, next year, when the show comes to a town near you, be there.
Thank you for taking a moment to watch this video and to leave a helpful comment like, "Who is this asshole?" or "I like boobs," or maybe, just maybe, "Not bad, Ms. Sea World 2014. Not bad at all!"