Turning This Mother Out

You barely know me, I get that. I've only been here for a few days, Internet. But I've got exciting news (exciting to me right now, exciting to you once you get to know me better and realize that I'm good for cheap laughs). The folks over at Listen to Your Mother DC have cast me in their show. You can check out their web page if you don't believe me: www.listentoyourmothershow.com/dc/

And, no, they did not have a collective stroke. No, I didn't threaten or bribe them. And, let's be honest, even though auditions were held in a hotel room, I'm just not that sexy.

I had to sell them on pure, unadulterated talent. Using my kid for poop story fodder may have helped.

Speaking of bartering my child's dignity for a shot at stardom, a friend suggested that my son might never forgive me for selling him out. Notably, this friend does not have kids. Suffice it to say that this same friend does not have a navel that looks clinically depressed, does not keep Boogie Wipes in her handbag, and does not use fart noises to impress her associates. So I calmly explained to this friend that I would never forgive my son for coming out of my vagina. But, thanks to this show, my son and I are, like my vagina, now square.

Check out Listen to Your Mother DC on May 4! I am genuinely humbled to be a part of the cast and genuinely concerned that I might have a more horrifying and personal pooping story to tell once I am forced to confront my stage fright.